Columbus was a punk.

I can't believe that United States still celebrates a man who got lost and accidentally "discovered" America. Newsflash: there were already people here. That would be like me stumbling on a house that I really like on Lake of the Isles and just moving in because I "discovered" it.

Once Columbus landed on our shores, he proceeded to enslave, rape, torture, dismember and kill the Native people who were minding their own business. That deserves a holiday, don't you think?

We are all familiar with the little rhyme we learned in elementary school, "In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue". I think it's time we tell our children the truth so their not shocked when they get to college and learn that most of the history they learned in school was all lies and misinterpretation.

I propose we teach our kids the following: "In 1492, Columbus launched the Atlantic slave trade and initiated the most devastating mass genocide of a people in world history". It's not catchy but at least it's the truth. If anyone can come up with a catchy rhyme that tells the truth about what a d-bag Columbus was, please share it with me.

I guess when the football team of our nation's capital is still called the "Redskins" that I shouldn't be too shocked by this federal holiday.

Happy Columbus/Mass Murder, Slavery, and Colonization Day!